Relive each delicious moment of A Discovery of Witches with our weekly recap. This week? A Discovery of Witches Season 3 Episode 5 recap.

Do you ever find yourself yelling at the screen in front of you or mumbling cheeky responses to the characters while watching a show? We do. Sometimes we keep those responses to ourselves and, sometimes, we text them to each other as we watch the same show at the same time 700 miles apart. We enjoy these conversations so much that we decided to share them with you. Each week, Ashley and Nikki will publish an episode recap for the highly anticipated third season of A Discovery of Witches. You can read it while you re-watch the episode (because you know you’re going to re-watch it) or just read it. There’s no right or wrong way to do this, just do it. We hope that these recaps will be worth a few giggles for A Discovery of Witches fans and that they might even make you think twice about what you’ve just watched. Without further ado, here’s our A Discovery of Witches Season 3 episode 5 recap…

[1:00] I’d love to be a fly on the wall in the local floral shop when they take the call and then rock, paper, scissors on who “gets” to deliver flower arrangements to the vampires in the giant house on the hill. 

Side note — Mmm, Cotswold. My favorite cheese. That is all.

[2:00] “Let’s see what tomorrow brings” feels like an anthem written specifically for this show. Last week alone…sheesh. 

Don’t be too hard on yourself Agatha. Given that Timothy didn’t seem too keen on dying, I’m not sure that it was possible to have a funeral service that truly met his expectations.

[3:00] Can we take a moment to appreciate the return of the blue/green color palette from Season 1? 

[4:00] “I won’t kill my brother’s children.” It’s nice to know that we’ve established a baseline of expectations for when this family finally gets the therapy it so desperately needs.

[5:00] “Here they are.” — Marthe, playing it beautifully cool while summing up our collective eager anticipation of waiting for and then watching these beautiful creatures come into the world. 

[6:00] Sarah and Ysabeau have had countless reasons not to trust each other in the past. Now, they are united in shared grief for Emily and determination to keep Matthew, Diana, and the twins safe.

[7:00] “She’s always hungry.” It’s applicable to both vampire babies and 17-year-old interns.

[8:00] Against my better judgment is how I would describe sending out invitations for anything that involves bra wearing and actual pants.

[9:00] This is pretty much how every episode of Law & Order SVU starts. Spoiler alert: it never bodes well for the woman strolling down the alley alone. 

[10:00] And, just as we feared, it didn’t bode well for Lena. Let’s hope Stabler and Benson are nearby.

[11:00] God rest her soul but “I haven’t slept for years” is precisely the kind of thing my grandmother would have responded with when asked almost anything.

[12:00] If I’m following this camera work, Marthe either thinks Rebecca needs blood or potatoes. I vote for potatoes for their sheer versatility but I suspect that Diana will choose differently.

[13:00] Matthew telling Jack that Ysabeau doesn’t give everyone the run of the house is every one of us as we watch the same mothers who wouldn’t let us have a snack before dinner, hop our own children up on ice cream and gummy bears before nap time. Being a grandparent changes things.

[14:00] “I’m feeding your daughter” is the best delivery of a “f%*# you very much” I’ve ever heard. Bless his heart for trying to question the actions of a sleep-deprived new mother. 

[15:00] “She came to us this way.” It’s probably what my parents kept muttering to themselves as they tried to pull me away from Masterpiece Theater on PBS at the age of 12. Also, shout out to PBS and NPR for making me the nerd that I am today.

[16:00] If you haven’t yet read Time’s Convert, Deborah Harkness’ most recent book, please read it. Like now. The entire book covers Phoebe’s transition to a vampire

[17:00] Let’s take a vote: Matthew’s staring down Jack holding Phillip — sheer wonder at seeing his sons together? Or uncomfortable uncertainty over whether to trust his untamed son with a precious newborn? 

That spell-casting dialogue made me go all mushy inside. After spending nearly a week in a house with a four-month-old I can assure you that babies are, indeed, magical creatures (witchy genes or no).

[18:00] Those aren’t your ordinary role-play handcuffs. Where’s the pink fur?! 

[19:00] Girl, leave the purse. Priorities!

[20:00] Marcus makes beautiful children.

[21:00] Um okay, Miriam… we peeped your hand on the small of Chris’ back, and we 1000% approve. 

[22:00] Is Sarah’s attire getting more and more eccentric? For the record, I’m not judging because I feel like my family asks themselves the same questions about me. Is she really going out in furry Birkenstocks? Yes, yes she is.

[23:00] Sorry, couldn’t stop staring at Diana’s earrings and how they seem to be the exact color of her eyes.

[24:00] Perhaps it would have been more efficient if the priest had asked for everyone who isn’t a godparent to remain seated.

[25:00] Baldwin is my kind of dude. Yes, there’s a job to be done… malicious intentions to exact upon a joyful crowd and whatnot. But first, snacks. 

[26:00] He totally abandoned the Croquembouche. I can’t even process that.

[26:00] I’m sitting in a room with three other women and I don’t have the courage to turn around and look at them for fear that the tears in my eyes will spill onto my keyboard. Ya’ll are crying. Right?!

[27:00] Matthew is being way too kind. Brother, you don’t need to apologize for being late but perhaps some acknowledgement that you just busted through that chapel door like Dog the Bounty Hunter would be in order.

[28:00] Diana just took “here, hold my beer” to a whole new place. 

If you’re about to beat somebody’s ass, do you really need to unbutton your suit coat first? At that point, a popped button should be the least of your worries.

[29:00] Hell hath no fury like a Diana in gaucho pants. This reminds me, I’ve got to plan a baptism for our infant son. I’m taking notes. Mind you, I’m hoping for far less drama and trauma… but, family… sooo, notes.

[30:00] I feel like the “stupid” was implied in Baldwin’s statement because he spoke it like every oldest child whose ever been bested by their younger sibling. “I recognize your (stupid) scion.”

[31:00] “Their sins are now your sins…” Whoa, wait just a second. A scion is one thing but taking on generational sin? That’s a big ask!

[32:00] Why did Hamish leave those juicy blackberries on his plate? I also love that in the skirmish and quick exit, dude was like “oooo pie.” He handles stress and uncertainty like we do. 

[33:00] Can we talk about what an “early hour” is for the Congregation? 8:15 a.m.? 10:30 a.m.? 7:15 pm?

[34:00] Satu has an interesting perspective on what constitutes a “disgraceful” witch given that she opened one up like a can of Pork and Beans in the not so distant past.

[35:00] All this talk about quarantining and the conditions around it and how much time and when and where and and and… too soon. 

[36:00] As a mom with a fresh bebe, all I can say is — showoff. Also, I’ve got to get me some of that magic. Game changer. 

[37:00] This Matthew of the quick apology is something to behold. He’s almost too quick to say sorry. In his effort to be kindler and gentler he’s turning Canadian. So much love to all my neighbors across the Detroit River.

[38:00] Just when I thought we couldn’t love Marcus anymore, he rightly acknowledges how pathetic it is to be this far down the line in history still patting ourselves on the back and celebrating any “firsts” for women. 

[39:00] I love the way that Diana looks at Matthew. Her admiration and pride shine through.

[40:00] Question, must a Knight pledge both faith and fealty? Because I think I could deliver on one but not both.

[41:00] It’s been years since I watched The Bachelor, but I’m pretty sure Marcus just played Chris Harrison and hosted a rose ceremony.

[42:00] With that embrace, Matthew and Fernando just began the healing process on a rift several hundred years in the making. Sigh…

[43:00] Girl, take off those fuzzy socks. I know the castle floors (and your vampire husband) are cold but you’re about to heat things up.

[44:00] She would do anything for love, but she won’t do that. No she won’t do that. (RIP, Meatloaf.) 

[45:00] Tomorrow’s travels can wait…but seriously take off those damned ridiculous socks.

Final Thoughts:
I’d love to have poignant and insightful thoughts about this episode. I truly would. But… I don’t. Let me explain. What I do have is a heart full of squishy happiness at having had a long weekend with my witchy pals — IN PERSON — after more than two years apart. A weekend where we ate and drank our faces off, laughed until our jaws hurt and hugged each other at every turn. They snuggled my new baby (and my bigger one) and loved on him like the aunties they are and, in the process, loved on me and my weary postpartum self. 

Obviously, we watched this episode together… a couple times. I was struck by the serendipity at the timing of this particular episode airing on the weekend we would be together and could watch one together. One where the de Clermonts held a gathering after way too much time apart, with the intention of celebrating joy and family and declaring to protect precious new life. And there we were, doing the same (minus the vampire battle at the altar). Really, isn’t that why we all have devoured this series as we have? We either relate to the story or escape from our own stories in the process or both. This emotional episode in the middle of a desperately needed restorative weekend provided both and left me feeling as satiated as a baby Rebecca nursing on warm blood. What’s better than that! Nom nom nom. (Ashley) 

Same girl, same. I usually take advantage of this space to get all wordy and emotional but I don’t think there’s a damned thing I could say that Ashley hasn’t already said. Watching the episode with my witchy friends reminded me of the magic that often lies between the covers of books. When I opened A Discovery of Witches, I couldn’t have possibly understood the journey that would result. We became friends through a shared love of Outlander and our friendship grew and strengthened as we lost ourselves in the All Souls World. What a gift. What indescribable magic! Thank you Deborah Harkness. (Nikki)