Relive each delicious moment of A Discovery of Witches with our weekly recap. This week? A Discovery of Witches Season 2 Episode 7 recap.

Do you ever find yourself yelling at the screen in front of you or mumbling cheeky responses to the characters while watching a show? We do. Sometimes we keep those responses to ourselves and, sometimes, we text them to each other as we watch the same show at the same time 700 miles apart. We enjoy these conversations so much that we decided to share them with you. Each week, Ashley and Nikki will publish an episode recap for the long-awaited second season of A Discovery of Witches. You can read it while you re-watch the episode (because you know you’re going to re-watch it) or just read it. There’s no right or wrong way to do this, just do it. We hope that these recaps will be worth a few giggles for A Discovery of Witches fans and that they might even make you think twice about what you’ve just watched. Without further ado, here’s our A Discovery of Witches Season 2 Episode 7 recap….

[1:00] Ashley: Those collars make my neck itch just looking at them. Like, Benadryl hives itch. 

Nikki: How did I not hear “straddle the centuries” last week. I would have giggled at that. Also, Kaitlyn is pretty sure that they’ve been running those horses through the same field all season long. Like Poldark! I think she’s right. 

[2:00] Ashley: Huh, so they had to go all the way to the ancient Czech Republic to find the damn sun and colorful skies. 

Nikki: Yes, please find Gallowglass. I miss him.

[3:00] “His imperial majesty grants you a brief audience.” — Going to make this my new auto reply for all calendar invites. 

[4:00] “…I cannot escape a pestering by England’s diplomatic hordes” is the phrase I will now use whenever my British husband gets on my nerves. I mean if he ever gets on my nerves *wink*.

Also, Bohemian or Bahamiam soil? I’ve clearly been trapped inside for too long. I mean it is supposed to be their honeymoon, so Diana might have heard otherwise too in agreeing to come. 

[5:00] “Might an emperor ask your name?” There were about a thousand less creepy ways he could have asked that. Closed captions read [smooches] when he kissed her hand. He’s even creepy without sound.

[6:00] I’ll have to disagree with Matthew’s idea that Rudolf looked at Diana “like a jewel he wanted to add to his collection.” I think he wanted to do more than put her in a box and gaze fondly upon her. Too soon, Meridiana?

[7:00] Ashley: Oh my god, HE CAN SMELL THE SEX TOO! No discretion when it comes to vampires. None. Zero. 

Nikki: Eww! I’m having some flashbacks to college days and I’m incredibly thankful that none of my friends or family were vampires.

[8:00] Aww…little Jack Blackfriars took a road trip! I wonder how many rounds of “I Spy” they played between London and Bohemia.

[9:00] Nikki: “The Goddess, I’ll assume that’s not you, Matthew.” Gallowglass is cheeky and I love it! 

Ashley: Did she just say, “It’s a Teletubby”? (Closed caption solved for my hearing problems. It’s an automaton.)

[10:00] Ashley: I don’t know who’s giving me more hair envy this episode with their beachy waves — Gallowglass or Diana. 

Nikki: “I’ll take Gallowglass with me” = #lifegoals. I’m having some serious Outlander flashbacks. Remember that Murtagh meme

[11:00] This looks like a line for a 16th century version of Black Friday. 

[12:00] Ashley: Gallowglass’ silhouette above “accelerating proceedings since 1591” — someone get that on a t-shirt STAT. 

Nikki: “I have always found myself more comfortable around other kinds of creature.” I’ve read the books. I know he’s bad, but damn if I don’t identify with that.

[13:00] “I open only by appointment, sir.” I know this season was filmed prior to the pandemic but the writers are channeling some real Nostradamus shit in these episodes.

[14:00] Ashley: His majesty might have been the original spokesmodel for the Dollar Shave Club.

Nikki: Loving this playfulness between Diana and Gallowglass. And that smile as she hands Rudolf the book. Hilarious!

[15:00] “You lie about something I want in order to present me with something I do not.” Deb said in her last Facebook/Instagram live that Rudolf had her favorite line of the series in this episode. I think that might have been it.

[16:00] Can we play that game where you think of things that you can say both at court and during sex? “Are you interested in the rare and uncanny arts?” is a sure winner.

[17:00] Nikki: Great curly beards, Batman! Someone in this joint has an excellent curling iron.

Ashley: You had me at drinking vessel made out of a unicorn horn. Must. Have. 

[18:00] Nikki: “Entirely incredible.” Me thinks Loew is not so sure about the provenance of that unicorn horn. If he had grown up in the 1980s and seen as many Lisa Frank stickers as I have, he would know for sure that they are real.

Ashley: When she says “philosopher’s stone” but my Harry Potter-loving brain only hears sorcerer’s… 

[19:00] “You know nothing of my work.” Me, everytime I get a new department chair and I have to explain my job to them.

[20:00] I’ve always loved the intrigue of the title of this series, but damn if he didn’t just take it in a hellish direction. 

[21:00] Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, “A witch, a vampire, and a Jew walk into a bar…”

[22:00] “One should find wholeness in a marriage, Matthew, but it should never become a prison.” Spoken by a man who has not lived through shelter-in-place orders while working from home with all the bars and restaurants closed.

“I knew as soon as I saw it that I was not the one God had chosen to read it.” Could I use this for account statements at work? I’d love to read the monthly balance reports but I don’t think God would want me to.

[23:00] A summons to a pheasant hunt. Delightful. Could we do karaoke instead? 

[24:00] “I simply cannot resist the sport of falconry.” I must have a higher tolerance for such things because I absolutely can resist the sport of falconry. 

[25:00] Did he just say the success of the hunt lies in the skills of his “focker”? (Closed caption for the win again. Falconer. I really must get my 16th century-geared ears cleaned out.)

[26:00] A Discovery of Witches, also known as vampires jumping from great heights in fast forward.

[27:00] Ohhh, what’s in the bag? Please do an influencer unboxing for us. Think of how entertaining a Gallowglass Instagram unboxing would be!

[28:00] Something about asking Matthew about being afraid to let his bird fly free to find a more comfortable place to roost puts my head in a different giggly place… and now my 13-year-old boy brain wants to go wash my own mouth out with soap. 

Nikki: “Do you not sometimes wish for something warmer in your bed?” And now I’ve got Icy Hot stuck in my head (ya, know, the stuff that goes on cold but then heats up the “affected” body part) and I have a new appreciation for sex with a vampire.

[29:00] “You broke my bird!” Rudolf, if that’s the only thing of yours that gets broken today, you should consider yourself a lucky man. 

[30:00] Nikki: Maybe it’s because I’m hungry, but Gallowglass’ description of Rudolf’s “secret collection” just reminded me of a bucket of chicken. Make mine extra crispy. 

Ashley: Matthew, after many hours of chasing this damn book I am starting to feel the same. 

[31:00] “An unspeakable urge to possess your body and soul.” Well, go on then, get to it! Also, “I would wade through the blood of kings, queens, and emperors…” It’s a fine sentiment, but if you could just occasionally make me a sandwich or bring me a cup of coffee in the morning, we’ll call it good.

[32:00] How much more convincing would Kamala Harris’ “I’m speaking” moment have been if she’d added fire as punctuation? Ladies, this is a reminder to reclaim your time and let your voices be heard. If a few doorways have to suffer, then so be it.

[33:00] Gallowglass enters, notices the sooty doorway, and then makes the wise decision to mind his own damn business. Just one more reason to love him.

[34:00] Nikki: Rudolf holds no grudges for Matthew “breaking” his bird. By the way, it happened to be delicious after roasting over an open fire.

Ashley: Diana is a 21st century woman. She knows better than to accept open drinks from creepy men. 

[35:00] Nikki: “Is there something in particular you would like to see?” Girl, do NOT answer that question!

Ashley: …Especially not after partaking in his mystery cocktail. 

[36:00] I’m having to dig into the deepest, darkest depths of my soul to feign empathy for a white male in power bemoaning how his trust and generosity has been much abused. 

[37:00] Ashley: Now THAT’S a party trick! But why does it always have to be a snake? Can’t she summon a ferret or a kitten once in a while? 

Nikki: Also, Matthew’s look here…like I’ve lived 1,500 years and survived countless wars and Diana is going to get me killed before our first wedding anniversary.

[38:00] A realistic reenactment of my family trying to get me to put down the book I’m reading so that I will make dinner.

[39:00] Ashley: The last time someone went nuts over things in their head that wouldn’t stop screaming, it involved  lambs and comfort from a cannibalistic serial killer. This is far more vibrant and pleasant to see. 

Nikki: Once again, major props to the effects department. This is fabulous! Also, is that Corra?!

[40:00] Nikki: Diana formally joined the family business when she cold-cocked Kelley. Well done, my lady!

Ashley: Singin’ go onnnnnn take the booooook and run, woo oh ooo

[41:00] “I can still hear the book screaming.” Kelley is all of us when we finish a Deborah Harkness book.

[42:00] Let’s just assume that Benjamin’s “care” for the book is not as altruistic as Matthew and Diana’s.

[43:00] Ashley: Well hell, that was quite the jolting time hop. 

Nikki: I’m exhausted!

Final Thoughts:

Nikki: Deborah Harkness coined the phrase “We Are All Souls” and she actively fosters a spirit of togetherness in the fandom. It is important to note that the “we” doesn’t just happen. In order to get to “we” each of us is required to acknowledge our similarities and reconcile our differences in a way that allows us to sit in the same room and learn to love each other through our shared love of an author and the books that she writes.

I say all of this to highlight two moments in this week’s episode that made me catch my breath. When Benjamin Fuchs introduces himself to Diana he says that he is “beneath the interests” of the de Clermonts. Book readers know that Benjamin has been cast out by the family. When Diana sits with Rabbi Loew, she notices the yellow circle on his coat and he says simply, “Men fear what they do not see more than what they do.” 

I wanted to use this space as a thank you to Deb Harkness, episode writer Joseph Wilde, and Director Farren Blackburn for providing these tiny moments of reflection in an episode filled with drama and action. They are a reminder that our quickness to judge, to assess and discard, to fear, and to shun don’t just impact the people against whom we have taken those actions. Rather, they prevent us from living rich lives full of conversations and discourse and the wisdom gained by truly contemplating someone else’s perspective.

Also, “he broke my bird” is the best line ever.

Ashley: Non-conventional honeymoon feels like an understated description of Diana and Matthew’s post-marital trip. There wasn’t a single umbrella drink or couples massage in sight. But then again, has anything about them been conventional? Absolutely not, and that’s part of their appeal, to us and to each other. They’re at their best when they face a herculean challenge, necessitating that they look inward to each other’s individual strengths, charm and innate powers to survive and succeed. And this time, it wasn’t just each other. They also recognized the need to lean into trusted friends like Gallowglass and Pierre for counsel, support, humor, additional bandwidth, accelerated proceedings and more for any chance at getting out of Bohemia in better shape than his imperial majesty’s bird. 

Isn’t all of life like that? We’re certain we can handle it on our own and until we’re fortunate enough to find a partner in whom we see our own strengths, weaknesses, power and humanity balanced in a complementary way. And yet still, we draw the circle out a little further to find a band of brothers and sisters waiting in the wings to jump in the hole with us, catch us when we fall, tell us we’re stupid (but also volunteer to try the stupid thing first), point out the levity and humor in all things and just be. Just be with us. Seeing Diana and Matthew tackle their first days as truly married and mated (we get it already, they can smell it) partners surrounded by the dear ones who would have stood up for them, promising to love and support them through thick and thin was the most relatable part of an episode that involved sniveling majesties, pheasant hunts and unicorn drinkware.

It does sound like one heck of an all-inclusive honeymoon resort now that I think about it.  

If you’ve missed any of our A Discovery of Witches recaps, do not fret! You can find them all here.