Relive each delicious moment of the TV adaptation of A Discovery of Witches with our weekly recap. This week? A Discovery of Witches Episode 3.

Do you ever find yourself yelling at the screen in front of you or mumbling cheeky responses to the characters while watching a show? We do. Sometimes we keep those responses to ourselves and, sometimes, Ashley and I text them to each other as we watch the same show at the same time 700 miles apart. We enjoy these conversations so much that we decided to share them with you. Each week, Ashley and I will publish an episode recap for the first season of A Discovery of Witches. You can read it while you rewatch the episode (because you know you’re going to rewatch it) or just read it. There’s no right or wrong way to do this, just do it. We hope that these recaps will be worth a few giggles for A Discovery of Witches fans and that they might even make you think twice about what you’ve just watched.

[0:00] My day job hammers in how it generally takes eight touches for the average consumer to absorb your message. They repeat this voice-over every episode. There are eight episodes of A Discovery of Witches. Coincidence? I think not. Either that, or this TV show is nailing what it’s like to parent a small child.

[1:00] Remember that time the hot guy in high school asked you to meet him in the parking lot to blow off fifth period? Yeah, me neither… but in my head, the grown up version looks something like this.

[2:00] I couldn’t lie to another witch — except, you know, that time only a day ago when you asked how Peter Knox might know about you opening the book and I mumbled “things get out” through my biscuit nibbling.  

[3:00] Yes, yes she does need to spend time with that.

[4:00] I love that in Matthew’s list of structural updates he’s made to his centuries-year-old house, plumbing is the first thing he mentions. I can wholly appreciate a man who has his priorities intact.

[5:00] Matthew’s smitten face when he adorably says, “Don’t you ask a lot of questions” — as if he hasn’t lived enough years by now to know that women have a high need for detail. Then add historian into the mix. 

[6:00] I love how the Congregation’s meeting spot whimsically appears much like Platform 9 ¾ and the Hogwarts Express.

[7:00] If fear and desire are the only emotions that keep the world spinning, then I wonder which one is motivating the family full of humans intent on playing gatekeeper to the world’s most powerful witches, daemons and vampires.

[8:00] Isn’t that like most of our human power, too? It’s instinctive. When we think we have nothing left in us, it just flows out when we need it the most.

[9:00] We’ve said it before, but it bears repeating —– Aunt Em is the coolest aunt ever. I want to sit on her bohemian porch — with all her burning sage, wind chimes and visions — curled up under a blanket just taking it all in with a cup of hot tea.

[10:00] Matthew, I CAN FEEL YOU WHEN YOU’RE LOOKING AT HER. It’s not that subtle.

[11:00] Yesterday, it took 15 minutes to check out at Target and I later described it to my husband as “taking forever.” But this man has been around for literally forever, so perhaps I should stop throwing this length of time around so casually.

[12:00] I just found out you’re at least 1,500 years old and you’ve never been more attractive. Date me.

[13:00] I’m always excited when new folks pop up along the way in this story, but right now, not more excited than I am that Imagine Dragons just found their way into this show. And “Demons” — I see what you did there, TV show.

[14:00] I like how Em always just sits in calm patience braced for the impact of Hurricane Sarah — curls fired up on a mission, smartphone-on-speaker in hand. STOMP STOMP STOMP.

[15:00] Vampire intel or not, I’d like Marcus to go grocery shopping with me and tag along on my suburban errands. What a chipper little buggar!

[16:00] I’m not sure if Satu just worked her magic to make the text disappear or if it was just a Snapchat and Domenico isn’t hip to how the cool kids communicate these days.

[17:00] Taking her blood in a lab and getting all hot and bothered… is this like vampire first base?

[18:00] We’ve been in Venice for much of the last two episodes and we’ve still yet to see anyone eating copious amounts of pasta. It’s the one downside to a show about vampires who don’t view food with the lusty eyes I do. Well, at least not inanimate food.

[19:00] These vampires have their own special power — the ability to grow gorgeous, full beards!

[20:00] What. The. Fresh. Hell. Is. That. Why, someone call Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg — it’s a witch in a box!

[21:00] “Daemons aren’t good at doing things quietly.” Even though my hunch has been that I’m more witch than anything, this comment makes me realize I might actually come from a family of daemons. Heavy steppers, loud talkers, door slammers — my god, the signs have been in front of me all along.

[22:00] Is that a Precious Moment? My grandma used to love to give those to me!

[23:00] Bye, Miriam. From here forward, that’s the All Souls version of a Bye Felicia.

[24:00] China, check. Candles, check. Cleavage, check. Stalking old man witch? Um, NOPE.

[25:00] I love how casually they kept rolling with the date. “Well, moving on… wine?”

[26:00] This man is so enthralling he even makes eating raw meat appealing.

[27:00] When people ask me what notes I’m tasting in the wine, I just ramble off a list of potential things that might pass and then wonder when they’re going to bring out more cheese. These two clearly possess more oenophile skills than me.

[28:00] This man can’t possibly say all that and not expect her to climb him like a squirrel in a tree, right?

[29:00] Wait, you’re leaving?! BUT WE HAVEN’T HAD DESSERT YET.

[30:00] Yep, very certain my dad never bathed me like that. Or said goodbye that way. Or wished me well on finding a new monkey sex buddy.

[31:00] Side note: I love that we finally have a television show that offers a realistic look at how women sleep or lounge around their house — in well-worn cozy t-shirts and soft pants. Thank you.

[32:00] Holy hell, that’s disturbing. No matter who picks them up or at what angle, no one should have to see their parents, or anyone they love, meet an end that gruesome and jarring, and then be reminded of it in graphic visuals.

[33:00] We shall not, Sir. I’m perfectly content to wait alone.

[34:00] Sean down, Sean down!

[35:00] It’s about damn time! I love when Diana goes all Hulk!

[36:00] He most literally has her…. and also all of us.

[37:00] My heart will never grow cold on a man who understands how truly exhausting it can often be as a woman — unprecedented powers or not — and knows his place is just to keep her safe as she lies down to rest awhile.

[38:00] He’s taking her home to mama! In the South, that means so many casseroles and pies are headed Diana’s way, but I suspect that might not the be case here.

[39:00] “I’m taking you home with me to France.” Swoon. I see winding roads, an expensive car and luscious scenery in our very near future!

[40:00] And this just became my new favorite cover of this iconic Fleetwood Mac song (thank you, Lissie). Listen, you two can go your own way, but for the love of all things creaturous and holy, JUST TAKE US WITH YOU.

[41:00] Just when I thought that first kiss melded with this song was going to detonate my heartstrings, he reached for her hand for safe keeping and we faded to black. This show, sigh. 

My internal monologue as the episode ended, “What!? No! DON’T STOP NOW! ……….. Oh wait, they dropped all the episodes at once. I can just hit ‘next.’” This show has captured me so fully that it makes me lose all fundamental thought, and this episode only heightened that. I know the building of all the interwoven stories in Venice and elsewhere (hello, daemons!) is critical, but I found myself just wanting to get back to Matthew and Diana’s increasing chemistry and deepening connection (well done, Matthew Goode and Teresa Palmer!) as swiftly as Gerbert summoned open his witch in a box (it’s a witch in a box!). France and Mama de Clermont, here we come! C’est magnifique!

What was your favorite scene in Episode 3? 
What, if anything, could you have done without?

If you’ve missed any of our A Discovery of Witches recaps, do not fret! You can find all of our Season 1 recaps here.

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